Love, Ringing Out Of Tune

It's currently 41 degrees outside. It's also 9:27. The Hills comes on in one hour, hooray! I was going to go to Young Life tonight, but I fell asleep. But that's okay, because I stayed up till one talking to Kellee and Mike.

He had to take a bus back to Cincinnati and he saw this lady get arrested. Then we talked about people we know getting arrested. And he told me something very interesting. Don't you wish you knew.

You guys should go listen to The City Lights by Umbrellas. I am so serious, I love that song. I love a lot of songs lately. Mike got me into The Hush Sound. I used to hate them, but I listened to Don't Wake Me Up and it's pretty dang good.

 Last night was pretty bad. I couldn't sleep, and it felt like I just had to keep moving my legs. So I had to get up and run around my house about six times. I went in my sisters room and sat in her bed and cried at about 2 in the morning. I really really wanted her back home. So I put on some of her shorts in the hope that it would give me some kind of wisdom or make me feel like she was there or something. It didn't work.

I asked my mom if she remembered the first night I couldn't fall asleep, and she did. I was about eight or nine and it was back when Mandi and I shared a bedroom in our old house. I just could not fall asleep, and I had some Sheryl Crow song in my head, I remember that for some reason. But I just remember being really scared and confused. So I yelled for my parents and they came and calmed me down. Then my mom laid with me until I finally fell asleep. I still want my parents to come calm me down sometimes, but I've learned to manage on my own these days. Althought I'm getting sick of my lack of sleep making my hair fall out. Yeah, not excited about that.

Mike asked me to go see his brothers band play with him. I'm really excited =]. They're called Ludlow Garage. But his brother used to be in a band called Rosewire. My sister's best friends with all of those guys. Wooohooo.

I'm going to go prepare some food for The Hills and try to tame my grody curly hair.

Have you been to a place like this?
To see your breath as it paints against the sky.
The fever is near, I wish you were here.

Yeah my bed broke brah.
So I slept with otha people.

Like A Singing Bird Sings Your Name.

I'm sorry I'm not stuck in a 10 year old's body. My God, people.

It's times like these, these in the middle days, where I wish I could talk to my aunt. I wish she was still here. I wish I could go see her and tell her everything. I can still tell her, right? Will God let her hear me? I still wonder why she had to leave. And I wonder why a car had to take Lauren and Miranda's lives like it took my aunt Pam's. I wonder how my aunt would want me to be right now if she were still here.

Whatever, so anyways this break has been pretty worthless. I actually enjoyed doing my DBQ on The Great Depression for some reason. I hate the Great Depression, I don't understand it at all. But for some reason the homework was fun. Uhh.

Today was my cousin Tiffany's 16 birthday party. My cousin Megan and I talked about how we think Tiffany's boyfriend is having a secret affair with our cousin Will, Tiffany's brother. It was probably the funniest thing ever. Yeah, I guess you had to be there.

I really love Lonely People by Augustana. It's probably in my top 5 favorite songs ever.

Is it just me or does heaven lasting forever scare other people too? Ever since I was a little kid I've never liked that concept. I want it to have an ending. Like, a permanent stop. But maybe that's just because that's what I'm used to on earth. Who knows. Albert Einstein who was like one of the smartest people ever, said that when he thinks about heaven never ending it hurts his head.

Micheal is still in Cleveland. He isn't going to school tomorrow. I am not happy about this. Maybe I'll stay home too. I really have no good reason to go. But then again, I need to turn in my DBQ's, and if I stay home I can't go to Young Life. I neeeeed Young Life.

Wake up, take your pills dear.
And know this time of year
Ain't right for you.



Bahaha.
Taken by my best friend, Kellee.
I love her more than anything I can say.

Currently Listening Cartel By Cartel Georgia see related

I climbed a mountain simply looking for advice.

Thanksgiving was good. Nothing out of the ordinary. I love my mother's side of the family. I really really really do. If I could spend everyday with those people, I definitely would.

We saw Beowulf with my cousin Benji and his friends Mark and Dave. I've known Mark since I was a little girl, and Dave for about two years. I love Mark, we tell each other everything. And David is just ridiculously good looking. So anyway, it was probably the dumbest waste of a movie I've ever seen. Oh well.

I cannot stand looking at Derek. Today was our first basketball game. I frequently find myself asking why I am a cheerleader. I have the most worthless squad ever. I really do not know why I am a cheerleader. I hate it, I really do. I get absolutely no joy out of it, and it definitely shows on my face.

I think I'm going to quit. Not only do I hate cheering, but Derek is on the basketball team, and I honestly can't handle seeing him that much. Things between us got so bad so quick. I cannot stand him. It's all a bunch of bull shit, really. The stuff he puts me through is just amazing. It's phenominal how someone could be that cruel. Like my mother said, he's just that one guy that I will never ever get over, no matter how bad he treats me. But somedays, I don't think I would change that if I could. I don't know why.

ANYWAYS.

On Monday Tanner and I buried the hatchet. Yes, Tanner Patrick Lowe and Staci Nicole Hudson actually spoke. I was surprised he even had the guts to look at me. Before, he wouldn't even walk near me because he knew I'd probably kill him. But anyways, at Wendy's I was sitting by Chad and he sat across from me and said
"do you still hate me?"
I was floored. I just said "no, I don't."
"Are you sure?"
"If I hated you, would I be talking to you right now?"
"True true. So how have you been?"

And we just kept talking for about another hour. It was really really good, because we needed that. So we're okay now I guess. Which I'm happy about, because it's over and done with. Thank God, what a waste of my life.

I'm eating cotton candy right about now. It's delicious on a whole new kind of level. Tomorrow I will be hanging out with Miss Rachel McElvogue. I cannot wait. I'm praying that on Sunday I might get to see my Mike Leeeee. I think I'm hanging out with Aaron tomorrow too. Yeah, Aaron Patterson. I'm pumped, I've missed that kid a lot. He wants me to watch Hostel 2 and I told him I'll probably throw up. We'll see how that goes.

MY HANDS ARE STICKY, I HATE IT.
Whatever.

I'm done here.
Goodbye.

P.S. I want to see my Leeeee! =[

Family Thanksgiving Bowlathan annual picture 2006:

And now for 2007:

We had a slightly small crowd =]

Currently Listening I Am Hollywood By He Is Legend see related

I'm dancing with the capulet.

Friday I spent the night at the Phelps'.
It was Mal, Megan and I. We had some good times. We ate three Little Ceasar's pizzas, two packs of oreos, a bag of cheetohs, and a two liter of mountain dew. We talked about everything. The accident, Derek, memories, the last time we were all together.

We spent about three and a half hours in Miranda's room. Mallory showed us all of the notes that she had from Lauren. We looked through her closet. Miranda had the best clothes, everybody knew it. We saw the sign Derek made for her when he asked her out in the principal's office. We ended up falling asleep on her floor at 1:30 and Mal woke me up at 7 and we went to go back to sleep in her bed. I love being in Miranda's room. There are so many memories in there and so many things that she left behind for us to laugh at.

We woke up at 11 and went next door and sat with Chad McGuffey. Him and I are going to see The Mist next weekend! Since he works there, he can get me in even though it's rated R and all that good stuff.

Anyways, I love being in Miranda's room. It's as close to her as we can get. I almost feel like she's in there with us sometimes. Mallory and I laughed so much, Friday. We had the best time. I love their house so much. It's filled with pictures of Miranda and all of the things people had made for their family.

I miss Miranda so much.

So on another note, I've been listening to He Is Legend a lot lately. It gives me a funny feeling because I haven't listened to them since the winter of my 7th grade year. That was such a random year.

I'm kind of worried, because a lot of my hair fell out today. Like, an unusual amount. A really big amount at that. I don't know what's up with my health these days. Ever since I was a baby I've had more than a handful of health problems. I used to worry so much about them that it made me even more sick. But now, I just don't care. I've realized I have no control, so I just quit worrying about it. If I'm healthy, thank God. If I'm not, pray.

So now, pray.

You see that kid?
He gave me a HUGE bruise on knee.

Currently Listening Secrets Keep You Sick By The Fold see related

Extreme.

Here's my day in great detail.

I woke up at 6:07 because I thought there is no way I am getting a shower, since I stayed up texting Jon until 12:30 like I do every night. I really need to stop doing that. So I eat half of a bagel and do my hair. Yeah, I never eat actual meals, I just snack like crazy. So then I do my hair, make up, teeth, whatever. Then I depart from my house and pick up Mr. Jake Henry Kellerman.

Then we listened to Nevertheless as we drove to school. Then we arrived and I went to Senate. Cheslea and I had some conversations about how much we hate school and how nobody's even awake to remember what we learn about. Then Taylor and I went to our assigned homerooms for NOTHING. Mind you, our homework is in the career center, and it was freezing today.

Anyways, then I went to first block. Jade and I made these stupid animal noises while everyone else was singing. Somedays, I just really don't want to sing because those songs are meaningless.

Then I went to second block and typed the whole time. But since it was Friday we got free time, so I listened to The Fold. I don't know why.

Then in third block we took notes on the Great Depression. I ate with the same people at lunch as I always do. Sam and I had fun today. We always laugh.

Then we played with fire in fourth block and Tanner almost got my hair right in the candle.

Then I came home and slept for two hours.

I'm gonna go spend the night at the Phelp's.
Mallory and I are gonna prank call everyone on Miranda's phone book.
Hahaha.